| | My day began like any other. The inability to make relevant decisions left me lying in bed free of guilt for an extra few minutes. I normally don't drink on a weeknight, but who can resist free wine? I could not discern if I was hungover or hadn't slept well or both. I know my body felt well rested, but my mind wandered all night. I awoke around 5am to finish a movie I had been watching, only to go back to bed around 6:30, finally waking at 8. The forecast of snow during the latter hours of the day was the only thing to make me reconsider my usual morning routine -- so I wore a sweater instead of a dress shirt. It was one of those days that I knew I would be witnessing in the third person; as if I were merely a spectator. I had no control over what was about to transpire. My fate had already been sealed and I was hopeless to change a thing.
As I drifted off to sleep last night I had suspected the worst. Dub me cynical, pessimistic or even depressed, but this is who I am -- I temper my expectations. 99% of you reading this are probably waiting for a punchline. Something self-deprecating probably related to how feminine I can be. Sorry to disappoint, but this is one of my few serious entries of the year.
Of course only someone of the fairer sex could do something so wretched as to inspire me to write in the serious tense. Frankly, it's pathetic, but what makes for better prose than tragedy? Unrequited like? And the story of my love life -- bad timing. Love is undoubtedly four dimensional, with the 4th dimension being time. I do often proclaim to wield a bit of knowledge on love and relationships, but I can never master time. I am too linear with my approach. There's no sense of urgency lest it be from my mother's goading. My only acknowledgment of time is I can only date a certain age range, but that's utterly silly if ever stopped to think about it. There are plenty of 30+ women not ready and many more under 25 that are.
I spent the better part of this past year very content being single and even now I am fine with the status quo. I've been single so long now I'm afraid to disrupt it. It really feels great to have so many friends again and I'm starting to excel physically, professionally and socially. But along came someone I deemed worthy to break out of this happy median I had reached.
I must've come across at least 15 women this past year. Some were easy to weed out. Others took 2-3 dates. This one had me pretty smitten from the get go. It's the type of attraction that sends waves through the very core of who you thought you were. It confounds your mind and tickles your heart. It's one of those you would never even consider based on advice of your closest friends, but regardless, you felt if you were just given a shot...something amazing could happen. I was hoping for that.
It obviously backfired. Thank God I'm resilient. I'll be fine considering I'll be in sunny LA all of next week. Will be good to get away and mend myself up...on the beach. |
| | Posted 2/22/2008 8:09 AM - 404 Views - 18 eProps - 14 comments
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